Episode 218 - Prehistoric Iceman

[Cartman's house]
[the scamps are watching TV]
Outback guy [on TV]: As we steer out boats, looking for these dangerous predators. [shot of a croc] Oh
there's a king croc right there. He must be four meters. twelve, thirteen feet long at least. This croc has
enough power in his jaws to rip my head right off.
Kenny: Oh no! [pulls his hood tighter]
Outback guy [on TV]: I've got to be careful. So what I'm gonna do is sneak up on him and jam my thumb
in his butthole.
Stan: Holy crap, dude!
Outback guy [on TV]: If I get bit out here, I'm 200 kilometers from the nearest hospital. I better be real
careful jamming my thumb in his butthole. [jumps into the water and wrestles the croc] Oh boy he's
pissed of now!
Kyle: Go dude go!
Outback guy [on TV]: I'm gonna jam my thumb in his butthole now. This should really piss him off. [he
jams his thumb in] [the croc makes a noise] Oh yeah that pissed him off alright!
[the scamps cheer]
Outback guy [on TV]: I've got to be careful!
Stan: This guy rules!
Kenny: mrmmph mrmmph!
Cartman: I told you guys
[the outback guy is back in the boat with his arm in a sling]
Outback guy [on TV]: Well, that was quite an angry croc, but I managed to escape with only a few
bruises and a shattered left testicle. Next week, we'll look for more of these beautiful creatures so we
can learn more about them by pissing them off in their sleep. Thanks for watching.
Kyle: Dude, let's go look for crocodiles
Stan: Yeah!
[they walk out the door]

[on a hill]
[the scamps each have supersoakers]
Cartman [with an accent]: There's bound to be some crocs out here. I'll use my croc-call and try and
bring them in. Bre-ni-ni bre-ni-ni!
Kyle: That's not how a croc sounds you fatass penis!
Cartman [with an accent]: Now I'm gonna kick my friend Kyle in the bean-bag and see what happens,
boy crocky
[Kyle moves away and Cartman follows him]
Kyle: Get away from me, Cartman!
Cartman [with an accent]: Come here, crocky
[Kyle trips over a rock]
Kyle: Ah!
[Kyle falls into a hole]
[the scamps go over to the hole]
Stan: Dude!
Kyle: Help!
[Kyle hits the bottom]
Stan: Good job Cartman! You killed Kyle!
Kenny: {You bastard!}
Cartman: Well he shouldn'tve called me fat
Stan: Why the hell not?! That's like calling the sky blue!
Cartman: Well screw him, he's dead! Let's go look for crocodiles
[he walks off]
Kyle: You guys!
Stan: Hey, he's still alive
[Cartman comes back]
Stan: Kyle, are you okay?
Kyle: I think so. I Cartman out there?
Cartman: I'm right here, Kyle
Kyle: Cartman, you fuckin hunk of fat rat fuckin hunk of pig fuckin ass fat!
Cartman: Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Say that to my face, pussy!
Stan: Can you climb back up, dude?
Kyle: I don't think so
Stan: Dammit! I guess I'll have to go get him
Cartman [whining]: No, come on you guys, let's go look for crocodiles
[he walks off]

[in the hole]
[Stan is being lowered on a rope]
[he is spinning wildly]
Stan: Whoa, dude! This is making me sick!
[Stan pukes while spinning in all directions and gets some on Kyle]
Kyle: Sick dude!
Stan: Sorry!
Stan: What the hell are you doing, fat boy?!
Cartman: Screw you, hippie!
[Stan reaches the bottom]
Kyle: Come on dude! I wanna get out of here
Stan: Alright, just grab the rope. Wait a minute. What's this?
[Stan and Kyle walk up to a big block of ice]
[Stan rubs some frost off]
[they see a pair of eyes]
Stan and Kyle: Ahhhhhhhh!
Kyle: Dude! It's a dude!
Stan: He's like some frozen guy!
Cartman: Come on you guys, it's getting cold up myah!
Stan: Shut up Cartman! [to Kyle] Dude, I saw this in a movie once. The old cavemen get frozen, and then
people discover them and make them their caveman friend.
Kyle: Wow! Cool!
Stan: You guys, there's a frozen ape man from the past down here! Send some more rope!
Cartman: Really! Hey, there's a frozen guy down there!
Stan: Help me chip some of the ice away
Cartman: Hey you guys! This was just like that one movie, um, Jon Travolta and that French chick were
doing it all summer long, and they went back to school and sang songs about grease lightning. You
know, the movie is Andre Jean (?) checking out Prissy and the Italian chick gets an abortion but she...
Kyle and Stan: Cartman will you shut the hell up and get some more rope!
Cartman: Ah, screw you guys anyway!
Stan: Hey remember when that kid found a wallet and he get a reward?
Kyle: Yeah, sweet! Maybe we can get a reward for the frozen guy!
Stan and Kyle: Hooray!
Cartman: Hooray!

[the bus stop]
[Cartman is pulling the ice man on a sled. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are pushing from behind]
Stan: Where should we bring it?
Kyle: I don't know. We just have to get it to town and then let them figure out what to do with it.
Stan: I think I'm gonna name it Gorak.
Kyle: No dude, we have to name it Steve.
[Stan, Kyle and Kenny stop pushing]
Stan: Steve? What the hell kind of caveman name is Steve?
Kyle: It's my name. And I found him
Stan: You didn't find him. I found him
Kyle: What are you talking about dude? I fell down that abyss and there it was
Stan: You wouldn't have even noticed it if I hadn't pointed it out
Kyle: Kenny, who found the ice man?
Kenny:{Yeah, I think you ought to name him Steve}
Cartman: I think we're almost there you guys
[he's still pulling the sled but it's going nowhere]

[in front of the mayor's office]
Mayor: Alright people, the next order of business is a very serious matter. We need to vote on whether
South Park should reinstate the death penalty or not. All those in favor say yippie!
Some people: Yippie!
[man enters]
Man: Wait what was that? I missed the question. Yippie!
Mayor: All those opposed say nay!
Some people: Nay!
Man: Screw you!
Man #2: Hey! Screw you!
[a riot breaks out]
[the scamps arrive with the ice man]
Stan: Hi! Excuse me!
Mayor: Not now, kids! The town is having a very important debate on capital punishment!
[shot of the rioting]
Kyle: But we found a frozen ice man from the past!
[people stop rioting]
Stan: I found this frozen guy in the woods today
Kyle: No! I found this frozen guy in the woods today
Mayor: What the hell is going on here?!
Kyle: We came for our reward
Cartman: Yeah, like a kid with a wallet
Mayor: Reward? What reward?
[Mephesto enters]
Mephesto: Mayor, I think the boys may have stumbled on to something here. You see mayor, frozen links
are often found, dinosaur eggs, woolly mammoths. This specimen could be a missing link in our
evolution. If I could unfreeze the body, and perform an autopsy, I could learn much about this creature's
people and it's time
Mayor: Sure sure sure, be my guest, knock your socks off!
Mephesto: Thank you mayor
[Mephesto and Kevin push the ice man out of the frame]
Mephesto: Oh! And boys, I can't give you a reward for finding this creature, but if you'd like, I'll let you
name him
Stan: Really?
Kyle: Sweet! How 'bout Steve?
Mephesto: Steve it is
Stan: Wait a minute! His name is Gorak!
Mephesto: Come on, Steve, we've got work to do. Unfreezing this body will be quite delicate work. We'll
have to use the most advanced methods available.

[genetic engineering ranch]
[Mephesto and Kevin are thawing out the ice man with hair dryers]
Mephesto: This is very exciting! He could be a Neanderthal, or an australapithocus from the paleolithic
era
[Mephesto takes out a flashlight and shines it on the ice man's face]
Mephesto: Do you see that Kevin? These clothes are from Eddie Bauer! I haven't seen anybody wear
clothes from Eddie Bauer since [closeup of Mephesto] 1996
[shot of Kevin with a shocked look]
Mephesto: This is incredible! Think of all we can learn from this body!  All that it contagious(?) ! Let's
hope the press doesn't get wind of this right away
[suddenly a bunch of reporters burst in while Officer Barbrady is trying to hold them back]
Officer Barbrady: Stand back people, there's nothing to see here
Reporter #1: What about the prehistoric ice man?
Officer Barbrady: Oh yeah, there is that
[reporters walk past Officer Barbrady]
Reporter #2: Dr. Mephesto, could you please tell us what's going on
Mephesto: Ladies and gentlemen, we still have a lot of work to do. But it is my opinion that this man has
been frozen in time for over 32 months
[reporters gasp]
Mephesto: Yes it's true, although at this early stage we know very little about this man or the time from
which he comes

[news on TV]
Newsguy: Fascinating news tonight from South Park! An ancient discovery of a prehistoric man actually
frozen in ice! A team of scientists continues to try and unfreeze the body so that it can be autopsied and
studied. The caveman was discovered by Kyle Brovlofsky, who had this to say...
Kyle: Well, I fell down this ice cavern and I saw this block of ice... [becomes inaudible]
Stan: Blah blah blah blah blah blah....
Newsguy: The prehistoric ice man is thought to be from the late neo-post-Jurassic era, where he was
probably a part of a hunting and gathering tribe that lived on Waterston street

[genetic engineering ranch]
[the ice man has been unfrozen]
Mephesto: That's it Kevin! We can begin the autopsy
[the ice man begins to stir]
Steve/Gorak: Uhhh!
Mephesto: Huh! What's this?!
Steve/Gorak: Mmmm!
Mayor: Holy crap! He's alive?!
Mephesto: That's impossible! Do an EKG on him
[Kevin hits Steve/Gorak with a hammer]
Steve/Gorak: Uh!
Mephesto: My God he really is alive! The ice must've preserved him
Mayor: Well, quick, do something!
Mephesto: No no! We've got to think this through! Mayor, this man has not been conscious for almost
three years! He won't understand what he sees! He'll be frightened and confused!
Mayor: Well, you can't just let him die!
Mephesto: Perhaps death is better than the shock he will take trying to adapt to our time
Steve/Gorak: Uh! Uh!
Mephesto: Oh my goodness! It looks as if he's about to speak!
Steve/Gorak: Where... where am I?
Reporter #1: What?
Reporter #2: What's he saying?
Reporter #3: Is that English?
Mephesto: What? You're hungry?
Steve/Gorak: Where am I?
Mephesto: You're hungry?
Steve/Gorak: What's going on?
Mephesto: Me friend... friend. Me friend... Mephesto. Me-phes-to
Steve/Gorak: Hmmm?
Mephesto: If we could understand what he's saying, then maybe we could get some answers. If only
there was someone who could communicate with him on a level as primitive as his own. A mind like a
child.

[bus stop]
Stan: Dude, I wanted to call him Gorak
Kyle: Gorak's a gay name
Stan: No it isn't
Kyle: Why you being such a dick
Stan: I'm not being a dick, you're being a dick
Kyle: Nah ah
[Officer Barbrady walks up]
Officer Barbrady: Hello children. Dr. Mephesto needs one of you to help him out in his lab with the
prehistoric ice man
Kyle: I'll go!
Stan: No I'll go! I found him!
Cartman: Damn, I've never seen you guys fight like this
Officer Barbrady: Alright, there's only one fair way to do this. Everyone stick out their potatoes.
[the scamps stick out their hands]
[he points to each hand as he speaks]
Officer Barbrady: My mother and your mother were out hanging clothes. My mother punched your
mother in the nose. What color blood came out?
Kenny: {Blue}
Officer Barbrady: B-L-O-O... uh... O spells blue and that means that you will go to the lab and help out
Mephesto and then we could all go home and watch Murphy Brown
[stares]

[genetic engineering ranch]
Mephesto: Steve! You!
Steve/Gorak: Where am I?
Mephesto: Steve! Steve! Steve!
[the scamps enter]
Mephesto: Oh good, your here
Stan: Oh my God! They revived Gorak!
Kyle: You bastards!
Mephesto: Yes, and I need you to communicate with him. See if you can understand what he's saying.
Stan: Uh, hi!
Steve/Gorak: Hi
Mephesto: What'd he say?
Stan: He said hi
Mephesto: Very interesting [writes something on a clipboard]
Steve/Gorak: Where am I?
Mephesto: What?
Stan: He wants to know where he is
Mephesto: Tell him... tell him he's home
Stan: You're home
[Steve/Gorak scratches his head]
Mephesto: In the year 1999
Steve/Gorak: It's 1999?!
Mephesto: He's been frozen for the past 32 months
Stan: Dude, you've been frozen for 32 months
Mephesto: And we found you...
Steve/Gorak: What?! 32 months?!
[Steve/Gorak freaks and throws the tray of instruments]
Mephesto: Alright alright! Calm down. [he injects Steve/Gorak with a long needle] I think that's enough
for today
Kyle: Good job, dude, you freaked him out!
Stan: Shut up assmaster! You're just jealous that they had me talk to him!
Kyle: Guess what! You're not my best friend anymore! Cartman's my new best friend!
Cartman: Sweet!
Stan: Oh yeah! Well you're not my best friend anymore either! Cartman in now my best friend!
Cartman: Killer!
Kyle: Fine!
Stan: Fine!
Cartman: Killer!

[Cut to commercial]

[genetic engineering ranch]
[a man rings the doorbell]
Man #1: Are you Alphonse Mephesto?
Mephesto: The same
Man #1: We understand that you are currently in possession of the prehistoric ice man from 1996
Mephesto: That's right
Man #1: We would like to...
[he stares at Kevin]
Man #1: We would like to offer our services in your experiments
Mephesto: Oh. Where are you gents from?
Man #2: From the University... of America
Mephesto: Well, there's not a lot to see, but come on in

[inside]
[they walk past the four-assed animals from ep.105]
Mephesto: He's still not responding much to us. The shock is still settling in, but we've made great
progress now that he's in the habitat
Man #2: Habitat?
Mephesto: Yes, Kevin and I designed a habitat for Steve to live in that is completely like his own world.
Everything is 1996 oriented.
[he turns on a switch]
[the Ace of Bass plays]
[shows Steve/Gorak in a room with a bed, a TV, and some posters behind the glass]
[they walk up and look]
Man #1: Amazing! He looks so much like us!
Mephesto: Yes! Well Kevin has done a lot of work in figuring out how related to us Steve really is. He
came up with this drawing.
[Mephesto shows a picture of some ape men, then Steve/Gorak, then another person]
[they start to walk away]
Man #1: Dr. Mephesto, we realize that scientific study is expensive. We wanna help you make this
project more lucrative.
Mephesto: How would we do that?
Man #2: It's easy

[outside the genetic engineering ranch]
[a sign says "See The Man  From 1996!"]

[inside]
["The Sign" by the Ace of Bass is playing]
[people are moving along a conveyer belt observing Steve/Gorak]
[a woman takes a picture]
Mephesto [over a mic]: As you can see, the ice man is listening to Ace of Bass, which was a very popular
group during his era. Their primite drumming soothes people's tempers
Stan: He doesn't look very happy in there
Kyle: No, he sure doesn't
Stan: I wasn't talking to you, buttpipe! I was talking to Cartman!
Kyle: Well I was talking to Cartman too!
Cartman: Oh! I'm pretty friggen cool all of a sudden
Mephesto [over a mic]: Ah! Here we see the ice man trying to gain internet access on the computer. The
internet was not very big at his time, so the web frightens and confuses him.
[Steve/Gorak get pissed off and throws the computer on to the floor]
Steve/Gorak: Arrrgh!
[crowd gasps]
Mephesto [over a mic]: It's okay! He can't hurt you! [crowd smiles] It's one-way glass. He can't even see
us. And now the ice man watches television
[bear growls on TV]
Outback guy [on TV]: This grizzly bear has the strength of over ten Morgan Freemans. I'm really pissing
him off right now
Mephesto: Wait! This could be dangerous
Man #1: How so?
Mephesto: He's changing the channel. Something on the television could frighten and confuse him
Newsman [on TV]: And they've done it! The Atlanta Falcons are going to the Superbowl!
Steve/Gorak: What?!
[he gets pissed]
Steve/Gorak: Arrgh!
[he throws the TV]
[crowd gasps]
Steve/Gorak: Arrgh!
Stan: You guys aren't being very nice to my creature
Kyle: He's my creature!
Mephesto: He's fine boys, and we're learning so much from him
Stan: Let him out dude, he's scared
Man #1: He would be more scared on the outside. You think this stuff freaks him out? How would you
think he'd react to what's happening in the government right now?
Kyle: But it isn't right!
Man #2: Little boy, sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable
[Stan looks at Steve/Gorak and he looks back]
[a man takes a picture]
[Kenny comes near the end of the conveyer]
Kenny: {Uh oh!}
[Kenny rolls under the conveyer and is squashed and comes out on the other side]
Stan: [gasp] Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
[silence]
[Stan looks at Kyle]
Kyle: What?! I'm not talking to you

[shot of the outside of the genetic engineering ranch]

[Steve/Gorak's habitat]
["The Sign" is playing]
[Steve/Gorak is in there looking unhappy]
[Stan walks in]
Stan: Gorak! Gorak! Gorak, are you there?
Steve/Gorak: Oh hi! What are you doing here? Viewing hours are ten to six
Stan: I don't think it's fair for them to keep you captive like this, Gorak. I came to bust you out
Steve/Gorak: Wow! That's really nice of you kid! Thanks!
[Kyle walks in]
Stan: What are you doing here?
Kyle: I'm here to bust out Steve
Stan: What? You can't! I'm here to bust out Gorak
Kyle: His name is Steve!
Stan: His name is Gorak!
Steve/Gorak: My name is Larry
Kyle: Steve!
Stan: Gorak!
Kyle: Steve!
Stan: What kind of stupid-ass name is Steve?
Kyle: Because he kind of looks like Steve Austen, the Six Million Dollar Man!
[silence]
Stan: No he doesn't!
Kyle: Does so!
Steve/Gorak: Uh, hey kids, could you just open the door so I could get back to my family
Stan: I found him! I'm rescuing him!
[the door opens and Steve/Gorak walks out]
Steve/Gorak: Thanks!
[he leaves]
Stan: You're a dick!
Kyle: You're a dick!
Stan: You're a dick, and I've had it with your dicketry! I choose you!
Kyle: You wanna fight?! That's fine with me!
Stan: Tomorrow afternoon at the bus stop! Four o'clock!
Kyle: Why don't we make it three o'clock?!
Stan [quietly]: Dude, Terrence and Phillip's on at three
Kyle [quietly]: Oh yeah
Kyle: Fine! I'll kick your ass tomorrow, dick!
Stan: I'll kick your ass so bad you'll wish you never had it to begin with! Your ass I mean... wait

[street in South Park]
[Steve/Gorak walk by a TV store]
[Marylin Manson is singing a version on "Stinky Britches" on TV]
Steve/Gorak: Yarrgh!
[he breaks the window and throws a TV]

[genetic engineering ranch]
Mephesto: He's gone! The ice man has broken out!
Man #1: No, that's impossible! How could he have?!
Mephesto: He must have used this door
[shows the door open]
Man #1: Dammit! Dammit!
Mephesto: We have to find him! He won't survive long out in the world
Man #1: Yes, and if he isn't found, we won't be able to use him for our military war...
Man #2: Shhhhh!
Man #1: Right!
Mephesto: What?!
Man #2: What?
Man #1: Nothing
Mephesto: No! What did you say? Use him for what?
Man #1: Blllblbl
[stares and silence]
Man #2: Dr. Mephesto, where could the creature have gone?
Mephesto: I have no idea!
Man #1: We'll never track him down on our own. This calls for some special assistance

[a house]
[Steve/Gorak knocks on the door]
[a woman comes out]
Woman: Can I help you?
Steve/Gorak: Leslie, it's me, Larry
[stares and silence]
Steve/Gorak: Your husband
Woman: Husband? You're not my husband
Steve/Gorak: Think hard Leslie! We used to be together for over eight years
Woman: I seem to remember a husband, but I think he was lost and never found on Kanosha pass
Steve/Gorak: That was me!
Woman: Oh!
[a man comes out]
Man: Who is it, lover?
Woman: It's my former husband who I forgotten all about
Man: Ooh!
[silence]
Man: Well sir, let me shake your hand. I'm proud to meet the man who's wife I'm currently sticking it to
every night [he goes back in]
[silence]
Steve/Gorak: So you remarried?
Woman: Yes, Laurie...
Steve/Gorak: Larry!
Woman: Larry. Larry, you disappeared! I waited for you to come home for over three days! I remember
how cold and lonely the nights got. By the fourth day I knew I had to move on
Steve/Gorak: Didn't anybody send out a search party for me?
Woman: We did Larry! We looked all afternoon! But we found nothing, no trace
Steve/Gorak: Please! Leslie, I don't know where else to go! I'm confused!
Woman: Leslie,  I'm with Buck now
Steve/Gorak: You're Leslie!
Woman: Right. I'm with Buck now. We have children together. Calvin is eight, and little Buck is thirteen.
I can't just up and leave them! I'm sorry
Steve/Gorak: I'm sorry too. I'll leave you alone
[he walks away from the house]
Steve/Gorak: Eight and thirteen?!

[Stan's back yard]
[Cartman is dressed like the outback guy]
Cartman [with an accent]: Well, I don't see any crocs out myah...
Stan: Dammit, Cartman! You're supposed to be helping me get ready to fight Kyle, not playing Australian
Outback Guy
[Cartman walks up to a cat]
Cartman [with an accent]: Oh, now I'm gonna let this jaguar butt me in the face and see if it hurts. Come
on jaguar, let's see what you got...
[the cat jumps up and scratches Cartman's face]
Cartman: Ah! Ah, sonofabitch!
Stan: You suck as a best friend, Cartman!
Cartman: You sonofabitch cat!
[Stan walks over to Steve/Gorak who's butt naked in a metal tub spraying himself with a hose]
Stan: What are you doing, Gorak?
Steve/Gorak: I can't live in your time. I'm freezing myself again.
Stan: Whoa, that sucks, dude
Steve/Gorak: Tell me about it! I've been doing this for three and a half hours now, and only my toes are
starting to ice over
[Kyle enters with a booklet]
Kyle: Steve! Wait!
Stan: What are you doing here, dick? We're not supposed to fight until four o'clock
Kyle: I've got something to show Steve, dick
Stan: Gorak is busy freezing himself again, dick
[Kyle walks up in front of Steve/Gorak]
Kyle: Steve, you don't have to freeze yourself, look
[Steve/Gorak drops the hose]
Steve/Gorak: What is that?
Kyle: It's this place called Des Moines. It's like lost in time, see. [Kyle opens the booklet and shows him]
Everybody looks like you do. Fashion is two years behind. Technology is two years behind. Fads are two
years behind. Just like you.
[Kyle gives Steve/Gorak the booklet and he reads it a little]
[Steve/Gorak closes the book]
Steve/Gorak: Home!
[he gets out of the tub]
Kyle: Come on, Steve, you're going to Des Moines
Stan: Oh no you don't glory-monger! Gorak is my responsibility! I'll take him to Des Moines!
Kyle: No you won't, butthole!
[sirens and helicopter sounds and dogs barking]
Steve/Gorak: They're coming for me!
Stan: Come on!
[they leave]
[Cartman walks over to the cat]
Cartman [with an accent]: These jaguars can be real mean. I'm gonna have to smack it in the face
[Mephesto, Kevin, and the three men enter]
Mephesto: Was the ice man here?
Cartman [with an accent]: He might've been, boy crocky
Man #1: We have to get him back. Well, can you do it?
[Outback guy enters]
Outback guy: Sure I can! I can hunt down anything
Cartman: Wow! Kick ass!

[Cut to commercial]

[train station]
Stan: We need a one-way ticket to Des Moines please
Conductor: Des Moines? What the hell for?
Kyle: We have to get our friend Steve...
Stan: My friend Gorak...
Kyle: To Des Moines or else he's gonna melt away
Stan: No! He's not gonna melt away! That's Frosty, you stupid butthole!
Kyle: Frosty, Steve, whatever
Conductor: Well, okay. I'll find him a seat
[Stan looks at the clock]
Stan: Dude! Look, it's four o'clock
Kyle: Oh, we'll wait for you over there, Steve. We have to start fighting now.
Steve/Gorak: Okay, boys. Thanks!
[Stan and Kyle walk away]
Kyle: Okay, first one to die loses
Stan: Okay
Kyle: Okay.
Stan: Okay
Kyle: So here we go
Stan: Okay
[they each put up their dukes]
Kyle: Go
[they start fighting]

[meanwhile Mephesto, Kevin, the three men, the Australian outback guy, Cartman, Officer Barbrady,
and the cops from episode 216 come]
[the Australian outback guy sees some tracks]
Outback guy: Wait a second!
[he bend down and picks up some snow and sniffs it]
[Cartman does the same]
Outback guy: I think he came through here recently
Cartman [with an accent]: Yeah, I think the same thing
Man #1: Well where the hell is he?! We gotta get him back to the lab
Mephesto: He can't function out here in our time!
Outback guy: Calm down! Calm down!
Cartman [with an accent]: Yeah! Calm down! Calm down! You sons of bitches!
Outback guy: Wait! Look! [he points off screen]
Mephesto: Is it him?
Outback guy: No! It's a Rocky Mountain rattlesnake. This is the most poisonous snake in this entire
region. So what I'm gonna do is carefully sneak up on it, and jam my thumb in it's butthole. [he jumps
toward the snake] Cracky! [rattlesnake noises] Oh this snake is really pissed! Well I'm gonna jam my
thumb in it's butthole now. Oh yeah, that pissed it off alright!
Mephesto: Does he always do this?
Man #1: Yeah
Cartman [with an accent]: I'm gonna go jam my thumb in something's butthole now

[back at the platform]
[Stan and Kyle are still fighting]
Stan: Ow!
Kyle: Ow!
Stan: Watch my toes, dude!
Kyle: Oh
[Steve/Gorak walks up]
Steve/Gorak: I got my ticket
Stan: Huh?
Steve/Gorak: I have to go to platform B
[Stan and Kyle stop fighting]
Kyle: Oh! Okay, it's over this way
[they walk over]
[Steve/Gorak sits on a bench]
[Stan and Kyle continue fighting]
[the other group comes up to the ticket counter]
Outback guy: The trail ends here
Man #1: The train station? Then he's trying to go somewhere
Mephesto [to conductor]: Have you seen a man who looks similar to us, but with a thicker brow and an
apish nose?
Conductor: What the hell are you talking about?
Mephesto: An ice man, a man from the past. We must find him! Now where is he?!
[Steve/Gorak is getting on the train]
[Stan and Kyle are still fighting]
Steve/Gorak: Well this is it. I'm going back to my time. Thanks again boys
[they stop fighting]
Stan: No problem, Gorak
Kyle: Later
Steve/Gorak: You boys have shown me the true meaning of friendship. You didn't care about anything
but my happiness. You put me in front of yourselves, and that's what real friendship is all about
Stan: Yep
Kyle: Uh huh
Steve/Gorak: After being frozen, I've learned that all a person has in life is family and friends. If you lose
those, you have nothing. So friends are to be treasured more than anything else in the world
Stan: Right on
Kyle: Cool
Steve/Gorak: Good bye, boys! Good bye, friends!
[the train pulls away]
[Stan and Kyle resume fighting]
[the group walks up[
Mephesto: Where is he? Where's Steve?
Stan: His name is Gorak!
Kyle: His name is Steve!
Man #1: The train!
Mephesto: We've got to stop it!
Outback guy: No worry! [he cocks a gun]
Man #1: Let's get him!
[all but Stan and Kyle run after the train]
Stan and Kyle: No!
Man #1: We've gotta stop that train!
Outback guy: Come back here, you
[Stan and Kyle are running after them]
Kyle: Steve! Steve! Look out!
Stan: They're after you!
[Steve/Gorak looks out the window and sees them]
Outback guy: Oh, he's a wiley one
Steve/Gorak: Oh poo!
Kyle: Steve! Look out!
[Mephesto and the three men are near the front of the train]
Outback guy: Notice the dilated pupils of this prehistoric man, a sure sign the prey is frightened. As well
as he should be as I will now jam my thumb in his butthole
Steve/Gorak: Huh?!
[they both fall to the floor]
[outside the train]
Man #1: Stop the train!
Train operator: Hey, who are you?
Man #1: I said stop the train!
Train Operator: Yes, hello! I see you
[Cartman is running behind]
Cartman [with an accent]: They're all moving pretty fast, but I'll catch up to them, boy crocky

[on top of the train]
[the outback guy and Steve/Gorak are fighting]
[Steve/Gorak knocks down the outback buy and pins him]
Steve/Gorak: I got you pinned. I win
[they turn over]
Outback guy: Now I've got you pinned. I win
[shot of Stan and Kyle]
[front of the train]
[the man is shooting at the train operator]
Train operator: Oooh!
[a helicopter comes]
Man #1: Hey! It's okay! The chopper is here! Go get him boy! Cut him off!

[on top of the train]
Steve/Gorak: Nooo!
Outback guy: Now for the coup de gras. I'll just get my thumb in there
Steve/Gorak: Nooooooo! [Zoom into his mouth]

[the helicopter lands in front of the train]
Helicopter pilot: Uh, the train's not stopping! It's not stopping! Ahh!
[the train crashes into the helicopter]
Outback guy: Holy butt...
[he get sliced by the helicopter blades]
Stan: Where's Gorak?
[helicopter pilot gets out]
Helicopter pilot: Wow! That is the god damnedest thing I've ever seen!


[Cut to commercial]

[back at the train wreck]
Man #2: Where's the ice man?
Mephesto: He has to be around here somewhere!
[Steve/Gorak sneaks into the helicopter and takes off]
Kyle: I can't believe he's gone
Stan: Wait, look, the helicopter
Kyle: Steve!
Stan: He's alive!
Steve/Gorak [into a megaphone]: Goodbye again! I'm off to Des Moines!
Mephesto: No! Come back! You can't adapt! You'll never live!
Steve/Gorak [into a megaphone]: I'm not living here! Living in having ups and downs and sharing them
with friends! Thank you Stan and Kyle! See ya!
[he flies away]
Man #2: Damn!
Man #1: Well, so much for our plan to use the ice man to take over Sweden
Mephesto: What?!
Man #1: What? Nothing
[they leave]
Stan: Kyle, Steve is a pretty good name for that guy
Kyle: No, dude, Gorak is cool, because it's original. And besides you found him
[Cartman walks by with a supersoaker]
Cartman: Be very, very quiet. I'm hunting crocodiles [he laughs like Elmer Fudd]
[Stan and Kyle walk off screen]
Stan [to Kyle]: Can we be best friends again? I hate having Cartman as a best friend
Kyle: Me too, he sucks 
Cartman: Oh yeah! Well I don't need you guys anyway! You guys can kiss my...
Cartman [with an accent]: Ah hah! There's a king croc right there! [he walks over to a cow] And what I'm
gonna do, is I'm gonna sneak up on it, and jam my thumb in it....
[the cow falls over and Cartman gets stuck inside it's ass]
[the cow moos]
Cartman: Hey! Hey get me out of here! Goddam it! [pause] Hey! It smells like Kenny's house in here!

[Marylin Manson's version of "Stinky Britches" plays through the credits]
[fin]