Transcribed by Lee Estall ([email protected])

(Title Page: In Memory Mary Kay Bergman)

(Open to space. A space ship heads for Earth. Inside ship.)

Marklar #1: Marklar! This is Marklar! Approaching Marklar!

Marklar #2: (On intercom) Proceed with Marklar and make first contact!

Marklar #1: Marklar!

(The ship lands in the desert in Ethiopia. Marklar #1 gets off the ship and addresses some lions.)

Marklar #1: Greetings, Marklars! I am Marklar!

Lions: Snif

Marklar #1: I come in Marklar!

Lions: Growl! (Approach Marklar #1)

Marklar #1: Oh, Marklar!

Lions: Growl! (Attack Marklar #1)

Marklar #1: Aaaaaaaaah! (his is finally ripped to death.)

(Cut to Ethiopia. The next morning. Starving Ethiopians everywhere. pan into a small religious missionary.)

Sister Hollis: Hello, everyone! I am sister Hollis! I was chosen from my mission work to come here to Africa and teach you all about the teachings of Jesus! (This missionary is like a school where she is the teacher and some starving Ethiopians are the students. There are some spinning fans on the ceiling, the kind you find on the ceilings of your local church.) Okay, then! Do we have our bibles that were handed out freely?! (holds up her bible. One really starving Ethiopian trys to nibble on his bible but she stops him.) No, no, no! We don't eat the bibles! We read them! Now, let's turn to Mark 3:19! (pause) Come on! Remember! (pulls down a screen with the following equation: an ethiopian reading a bible, plus sign, golden cross, equals sign, a large roast turkey.) Reading bible plus accepting Jesus equals food! (all the Ethiopians immediately open their bibles.) Good! Now, who can read Mark 3:19?! How 'bout Marvin! (points to Starvin' Marvin.)

Marvin: Doon ju bikong din nub jik jik!

Sister Hollis: No, Marvin! In God's language, English!

Marvin: Doong ni? Click, click! Mibigon! (Starts to leave.)

Sister Hollis: Where're you going?! Back to your life of sin?! Don't you understand that unless you find Christ, you and all your people are doomed to eternal hellfire?! (Marvin leaves the missionary.)

(Outside. Marvin walks through his home villiage of starving Ethiopians.)

Ethiopians: Oooooooooooh! Oooooooooooh! Oooooooooooh! (Marvin notices some of his people lined up looking at something. Marvin approaches them.)

Marvin: Da min u bidoi n click click n click click?! (Marvin looks across and sees what his people see, the Marklar Spaceship!) Nek nek! Ng nek nek! Ng nek nek! (approaches the spaceship.)

Ethiopian Leader: Oong jeko oong nek!

(Marvin touches the ship. A door opens to the ship.)

Ethiopians: Oooaaaa! (some flee in terror.)

Ethiopian #1: Click click ng nuk nuk?!

(Marvin approaches the cockpit. It opens automatically and quickly. Marvin boards the ship. The seat fastens Marvin in.)

Ethiopian Leader: Ng gik chung!

Marvin: (in the ship) Mi cug! (A screen shows the world and where he currently is: in central Africa, Ethiopia. presses a couple of buttons. the ship is about to take off.)

Ethiopian #2: Hodi hami ga m!

Marvin: (in the ship) Mena click click! (Pulls a lever. the ship takes off!) Aaaaaah! (it hovers a couple of times over the village, and takes off into space to begin the opening title: "Starvin Marvin in Space!")

(Pan from Space down to South Park Elementary School. The school bell rings. Classroom.)

Mr. Garrison: And so, children, that's why Hare Krishnas are totally gay! (Two CIA agents enter. Agent #1 Connley looks under Mr. Garrison's desk. Agent #2 Finx looks under Pip and his desk. Agent #1 Connley Closes the blinds.) Uh, can I help you?!

Connley: Yes! I'm Connley, and this is Finx! We're with the CIA!

Finx: We're here to speak with some of your students! You (pointing to Cartman), you (pointing to Kyle), you (pointing to Kenny), and you (pointing to Stan)!

Mr. Garrison: Oh, for Pete's sake! What've you bastards done now?!

Cartman: Hey! That was Kyle that went number two in urinal!

Kyle: No, it wasn't, fatass! I saw YOU do it!

Connley: Boys, we need to talk to you about a matter of national security! Now! (Picks up Cartman and Kyle while Finx picks up Kenny and Stan. He and Finx carry the boys out of the classroom. Finx closes the door.)

Mr. Garrison: (to the CIA Agents outside the door.) I hope you give 'em the chair! (to the rest of the students.) Anyway, children, as I was saying, Hare Krishnas are totally gay! (writes it on the board.)

(Cut to CIA bunker. The four kids are sitting in chairs with a bright lamp shining on them.)

Cartman: Oh, dude! This is not good!

Kyle: Relax, fatass!

Cartman: No, dude! I've seen this on TV! They shine that light in your face and then they try to get you to tell them stuff by squeezing your balls really hard!

Stan: What?!

Cartman: Dude, I've seen it! They grab your balls with their leather gloved hands and they squeeze them as hard as they can until they pop like little grapes!

Stan and Kyle: Ow, dude!

(The two CIA Agents enter.)

Cartman: (points to Kenny.) Start with Kenny! Start with Kenny!

Finx: Relax, boys! We just need to talk with you!

Stan: I told you, fatass!

Connley: Approximately thirty-one hours ago, an ethnic looking child was spotted flying some kind of state-of-the-art aircraft over Chinese Airspace!

Cartman: Woah! Cool!

Finx: Cool?! That craft appears to have enough plutonium fuel aboard to blow-up a large city! Do you think that's cool?!

Cartman: Totally!

Connley: Alright, children! We just need to know one thing! Do you know this person?! (Shows the kids a picture of Starvin Marvin.)

Cartman: Hey! That's Starvin Marvin!

Stan: Shhht!

Connley: Who?!

Kyle: You dumbass, Cartman! Now they're gonna go squeeze his balls!

Cartman: Oh! We don't know him!

Finx: We already know you know him! We have this! (Shows a picture of Starvin Marvin with the four kids.) Now who is he!? (Kyle farts.)

Kids: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Cartman: Ooo! Kyle's makin' mud pies! Y'guys want one?!

Kids: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Connley: (to Finx) Agh! This is getting us nowhere! We'll have to resort to more drastic measures!

Finx: But they're just kids! We can't torture them!

Connley: Look! We don't know what that craft is capable of, but the kid is going to have to land it somewhere! God only knows what sadistic backwards third world country could get their hands on that ship!

(Cut to Australia. The ship is flying over the country and over Sydney with Starvin Marvin still in it.)

Singer: (On the Ship's Radio) Sauring so high above the world! Never thought I could feel so free! (The screen reads "Debark" in red.) I'm one with the birds and magic is all I see!

Australian #1: (in a crowd. looking at the ship) Oi! Look up there! (The ship lands where the crowd of Australians are.)

Australian #2: It's a UFO!

(The cockpit opens.)

Australians: Oh!

Marvin: (getting off) Dum kik dum kik kik!

Australian #3: Oi! That's one creepy alien!

Marvin: Click mn, click mn mn mn!

Australian #4: Talk to 'im, mayor!

Mayor of Sydney: Great and noble alien creature, as mayor of the fine planet of Australia, I welcome you to our fine...planet of Australia! Chipie chip!

Australians: Charah! (Marvin takes out a piece of paper and writes.)

Mayor of Sydney: Look out! He's got a gun!

Australians: Aaaaaaaaaaah! (duck and hide.)

Australian #1: Wait! It's not a gun! It's a piece of paper!

Mayor of Sydney: Oh! (Marvin shows the Australians what he has drawn on the piece of paper: A map of Australia and his people. Marvin circles his people and draws an arrow from the circle to the map of Australia.) Oh! I think he's trying to tell us that he wants to relocate all his speicies here to Australia!

Marvin: (jumping up and down nodding his head.) Click, click! M-na-na! Click, click!

Mayor of Sydney: Well, ya certainly are welcome here, alien! In fact, there's a mission right over there that will take all your people in! (Points to a missionary similar to the one back in Ethiopia.)

Australian Nun: (from missionary.) Hello! (Marvin's smile turns into a frown. He reboards the ship. It seals and takes off.)

Mayor of Sydney: Guess the little pecker didn't like missionaries!

(Cut to CIA bunker. The kids are all groaning from being tortured.)

Kids: Aaaaaw! Aaaaaw! Aaaaaw!

Connley: Now, I'll ask you again! Who is the little boy that took our ship?!

Stan: (weakly) We don't know! (a loud sound is heard)

Kids: Aaaaaaaaaaa! (Connley and Finx are seen. Finx is holding the torturing device, a balloon which he is scratching.) Aaaaaaaaaaa!

Connley: Who is this person?! (Shows a picture of Starvin Marvin in the cockpit of the ship.)

Cartman: Cough, cough! K-kill me!

Connley: Do it again! (Finx scratches the balloon.)

Kids: Aaaaaaaaaaa!

Cartman: No, wait! I'll tell ya! He's, he's a little starving Ethiopian kid! We adopted him!

Kyle: Cartman!

Finx: Adopted from who?!

Cartman: Sally! Sally Struthers! The lady on TV! She knows everything! Sally Struthers!

Connley: Sally Struthers!

Finx: Where can we find her?!

Connley: I know exactly where Sally Struthers is! Let them go! (Finx frees the kids. The kids stand up.)

Kyle: (sarcasticaly) Good job, fatass!

Cartman: Dude, I couldn't take that balloon! Another couple of hours of that and I'd've been totally pissed off!

Stan: Whatever! Let's go see what's on TV! (They leave)

(Cut to the "Feed the Children Foundation" in Ethiopia. Connley and Finx are in the waiting room reading papers. The secretary approaches them.)

Secretary: Gentlemen, Miss Struthers can see you now! (The two men put down their papers and stand up. They are about to walk through the door. Before they do, Connley stops to talk to Finx.)

Connley: I'm warning you, Bill! Sally Struthers is a bit heavy! But don't say anything because she's pretty sensitive!

Finx: Oh, I would never say anything! I saw some show where they made fun of Sally Struthers' weight and I thought it was totally cruel! I mean, she helps people, you know! (they enter.)

Connley: Ah! Miss Struthers!

Sally Struthers: Ho, ho, ho! (she is now shaped like Jabba the Hut from the Star Wars Trilogy. Sounds like him too!) Munchaka solo dabits! (Subtitle: "Hello Gentlemen") Imeno chewbacca dakamin be! (Subtitle: "How can I help you?") Ho, ho!

Connley: Miss Struthers, we understand you have helped raise millions of dollars to help starving children in Ethiopia!

Sally Struthers: Ho?! Makadin dai beechu! (Subtitle: "I do my best") Ho, ho, ho!

Connley: We need information on one of the Ethiopians! You must tell us everything you know about him!

Sally Struthers: Doobahki!

Finx: (Shows a picture of Starvin Marvin) Uh, H-his name...is...Starving Marvin!

Sally Struthers: Snf! Snf! Snf! Jono bowum ko chocolate yum yum bar ancho?! (Subtitle: "Is that a Chocolate Yum Yum Bar in your pocket?")

Connley: Why, yes it is a Chocolate Yum Yum Bar, Miss Struthers! (takes out a Chocolate Yum Yum Bar.) And, there are several more where that came from! (Sally Struthers licks her chops and drools at the bar.) Of course, if you don't want to tell us about the Ethiopian boy,... (Threatens to throw the bar into the garbage.)

Sally Struthers: MONAKA!

Connley: (Closes the garbage can lid) I'm glad we can do business! (Hands Sally Struthers the bar.)

(Cut to Cartman's House. The four kids are on the couch looking for something to watch.)

Stan: C'mon, dude! There's gotta be something about Starvin Marvin in the news!

Cartman: (flipping the channels on his TV) Well, I can't find anything! Wait! What's this?!

Pat Robertson: (On TV, CBC, Christian Broadcsting Channel.) Uh, God wants you to send us money! He needs you to send us money so we can help others!

Cartman: Oh, my God! This guy again!

Kyle: Why would anybody send this asshole money?!

Kenny: {To take it and shove it in his peehole!}

Kids: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

(Starvin Marvin's ship bursts right in through the walls.)

Cartman: Holy shit!

Stan and Kyle: Whoa!

(They go outside.)

Cartman: Oh! Aaaaaaw! (looking at his wrecked house. The house crumbles.) Aw, weak! (Starvin Marvin gets off.)

Kyle: Starvin Marvin!

Marvin: Donig! Donig! Gk, gk!

Kyle: He DID take the ship!

Cartman: Well, nice job, Marvin! I hope you got about a thousand dollars to pay for maw haws!

Marvin: Ginga, click!

Stan: Dude, you're gonna get busted for taking this thing!

Marvin: Gena glum, click, click! Glena!

Kyle: I think he wants us to get in!

Stan: Kickass! (They all board the ship.) Wow! This thing is awesome!

Kyle: Let's go somewhere!

(Marvin pulls a lever and the ship takes off.)

Singer: (On the Ship's Radio) Sauring so high above the world!

Stan: Wow!

Kyle: Yes!

Singer: (On the Ship's Radio) Never thought I could be so free! I'm one with the birds and magic is all I see!

Stan: This is great!

Cartman: Yeah, but where's that crappy song comming from?! Can we turn that off?!

Marvin: Click, click, glum! (Presses a button which turns the radio off.)

Stan: Yeah! That's better!

(Cut to Ethiopia.)

Ethiopian #3: Oooh! Whop! (falls down.)

Sister Hollis: (approaches fallen Ethiopian.) Hello! How we doing today?! (pause) Look what I got for you!

Ethiopian #3: Moong, cluck, cluck, moong!

Sister Hollis: No! It's not food! It's a cross! (Gives Ethiopian #3 a cross.) And it has your christian name printed on it! From now on, you are Michael! Can you say Michael?!

Ethiopian #3: Click!

Sister Hollis: Mmmiii-chaelll!

Ethiopian #3: (pause) Click!

Sister Hollis: Oh, well! You'll get it! (Approaches another Ethiopian family.) Hello, brother David! Do you have any sins to confess?! (A fly buzzes around the Ethiopian Father and lands on his eye.) Anybody?! Sins to confess?! (Addressing the Ethiopian son) Joshua?! (Pause.) You know, today, I'm reminded of Psalm 46, line 39. "Though the mountains shake and..." (The two CIA Agents enter.)

Connley: Here they are!

Sister Hollis: Who are you?!

Connley: We're with the American Government! Sally Struthers told us where we'd find Marvin's parents! (indicating the family with which Sister Hollis had just been chatting. David is Marvin's dad and Joshua is Marvin's little brother.)

Finx: Hello there, Mr. and Mrs. Click Click Dirk! I think you know why we're here! (the family looks a little stunned as they probably think whether these people know where our lost family member is.)

(Cut to a desert somewhere in the States. The ship flies over. In the ship.)

Kyle: No, dude! You don't wanna bring your people to Mexico! There's missionaries there too!

Marvin: Blubeda! Click, click! (Points to Utah.)

Cartman: No way! Not Utah! Utah's nothing BUT missionaries!

Stan: Dude, it looks like he's tried everywhere in the world!

Cartman: Well, he hasn't been (points somewhere on the map) here yet! Where's this?! (pushes the red button. The ship takes off into Space.)

Kids: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (The ship leaves Earth.)

Stan: What the hell did you hit, Cartman?! (The ship heads for a black hole.)

Kyle: Oh, my God! What the hell is that thing?! (The ship is sucked into the black hole.)

Kids: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (The ship continues) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (Finally, there are three planets in sight. One yellow, one orange, and one green. The ship heads for the green planet.)

Kyle: Sigh! Where are we?!

Marvin: Ngomin, ngominga! Click, click, lubuk! (The ship descends over the planet.)

Stan: We're on like some foreign planet!

Kyle: This place is rad! Look at all the trees and stuff!

Marvin: Glmuk, click, click, glmuk! Hemek, hemek! (The ship lands. The cockpit opens and the kids get off.) Glemek, glumek!

Marklar Leader: (approaches the kids with many other Marklar) Greetings! Welcome to Marklar!

Stan: Uh, thanks!

Marklar Leader: I am Marklar, leader of the Marklar!

Stan: Uh, cool! My name is Stan and uh, I'm the leader of Earth!

Marklar Leader: Marklar to you!

Stan: Cool!

Cartman: Hey! I'm the leader of Earth!

Stan: Screw you, Cartman! I called "leader" first!

Cartman: Well, you can call "leader" till your ass bleeds, but it doesn't make it true!

(Marvin looks at the planet Marklar. He sees the waterfall and the forest. He smiles.)

Marklar Leader: We are very thankful to you for bringing our Marklar back to us!

Kyle: Wait! I thought you called your PLANET Marklar!

Marklar Leader: Oh, here on Marklar, we refer to all people, places, and things as Marklar!

Kyle: Well, our friend, Marvin, and all his people have to live on a part of Earth that sucks ass! They can't grow food or nothin'!

Stan: Yeah, so it would be really cool if you would let Marvin and all his people come live here!

Marklar Leader: Well, there is a lot of room on Marklar! If Marklar here wants to bring his Marklar to Marklar, that would be fine! Just take our Marklar back to Marklar and bring all the Marklar back with you!

Stan: Uh, thanks!

Marvin: Click, click!

(Cut to Ethiopia. The CIA Agents are still interviewing Marvin's family.)

Connley: Let's go through this one more time, Mr. and Mrs. Click Click Dirk! Your son Marvin has a ship that we want! How can we get it from him?! (Pause)

Finx: We are the CIA! That ship needs to be with us! Maybe we should just take something precious of yours, huh! (looks and finds something.) Aha! This! (Picks up a bottle-like structure and holds it close to him.) This gourd-thingy for instance! How do you like that, huh?! If you ever want to see this...little...thingy again, I suggest you contact your boy! (pause. The ship flies over.)

Ethiopian #4: Ooo! Booloo, hoo! Hoo, hoo!

Finx: There his is! (pointing to the ship. The ship lands.)

Ethiopians: Hoo, booloo, hoo! Hoo, booloo, hoo!

Ethiopian #5: Dirk, dirk!

(the cockpit opens. The kids get out.)

Marvin: Nevelum, click, click! Nevum b'lee dilirk!

Connley: Back away from the spacecraft, children!

Stan: No! No, it's okay! The ship took us to another planet! A beautiful lush place called Marklar!

Kyle: Yeah! And the leader, he says that all the Ethiopians can go live there!

Ethiopians: Loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo!

Sister Hollis: The alien race, have they heard the word of Christ?!

Cartman: No! Never! It's perfect!

Sister Hollis: Oh, no! Those poor souls! We must spread the gospel to them!

Stan: What?!

Marvin: Click! Glimin gluk gluminuk, click, click! (Pulls on Sister Hollis' dress.)

Kyle: C'mon, Marvin! We gotta get your people to Marklar before the missionaries do!

Connley: You'll do nothing of the kind! This ship is now Property of the United States Government! (Puts up a sign on the ship reading "Property of US Govt. Thank you.")

Kyle: No! (The FBI, with soldiers and helicopters, enter to guard the ship.)

Marvin: (Still pulling on Sister Hollis' dress) Dirk! Dirk, dirk miurp! M, m!

Finx: Call those boys' mothers! (Connley uses his cell-phone.) I'm sure they'll be very interested in the trouble their boys have been up to!

Kyle: Oh, no, dude! (An FBI officer holds him and Cartman in custody.)

(Cut to CBC, Christian Broadcsting Channel, Pat Robertson's channel. On TV. The logo appears on the screen. Pat Robertson and Susan are sitting toghether.)

Pat Robertson: You know, Susan, there, there's so many great...missionaries doing work...out there in the, in the, in parts of Africa and, and while we're trying to get bibles to people all over the world, and what we need is the help of everyone out there so that we can continue these, these projects! (Subtitle: "To Pledge Call: I-800-555-2717") Now, listen to this, Susan! (Shows Sister Hollis on screen with some Ethiopians.) W-one of our missionaries in North Africa has made an amazing discovery! (Shows the green planet of Marklar.) A-a-a new planet in the, in the galaxy Alpha-Seti 6 that has intelligent life on it!

Susan: Amazing!

Pat Robertson: Now, we're not sure what these hyper-intelligent beings look like, but one thing is for sure, and they've never heard...of Jesus Christ!

Susan: What can we do with the 600 club to help those poor aliens?!

Pat Robertson: W-what we need, Susan, is we need money to build an Interstellar Cruiser! (shows one on the screen.) Now, this spaceship will be able to travel through a worm hole in deliver the message and glory of Jesus Christ to those godless aliens! Send your money now! Amen!

(Cut to Ethiopia. The FBI are still guarding the ship.)

Connley: I want everyone to keep a safe distance from the craft until we can run some tests!

FBI Officer: Uh, excuse me, gentlemen! Uh, Tom Brokaw is here to see you!

Finx: Tom Brokaw?! Oh, no! The press already! (They go and meet Tom Brokaw who is really the four kids dressed in a suit with Cartman acting as Tom Brokaw's head and wearing a mustach. The whole FBI meet witht this fake Tom Brokaw.)

Cartman: (As Tom Brokaw) Hey! Good day, gentlemen!

Finx: Uh, huh! Mr. Brokaw, I presume!

Cartman: (As Tom Brokaw) You presume wisely, sir! I'm here to get the big story! The big scoop! (While the CIA and FBI are distracted, Starvin Marvin approaches the ship and opens the hatch.) I understand that you've found some kind of ship from an alien race, seeing as though I am pulitzer prize winning Tom Brokaw! (All Ethiopians board the ship.)

Connley: Look, kid! Did you really think this was going to fool anybody?! You don't look anything like Tom Brokaw!

Cartman: (As Tom Brokaw) What?! Dare you question my integretah?!

Kyle: (Inside the suit) I told you Tom Brokaw doesn't have a mustach, fatass!

Cartman: (As Tom Brokaw) What?! Eh, oh! I had some bad bleeters today!

Marvin: (to the Ethiopians as they board the ship.) Click, click! Wibum! Chk! Click, click! Cuk, cuk! (probably means "Hurry up, you guys!".)

Connley: (he and Finx remove the suit from the fake Tom Brokaw revealing, from top to bottom, Cartman, Kenny, Stan, and Kyle.) Alright, boys! Time to get back to your quarters!

Stan: Oh! (Finally, all all the Ethiopians are aboard including Marvin in the cockpit. The hatch closes.)

Connley: Son of a bitch!

Stan: Run for it! (The four kids run toward the ship. Finx calls for the action of some FBI officers. Cartman, and Kyle make it to the ship.)

Kenny: {Hey, guys! Wait for me! Oof!} (trips over a rock.)

Kyle: Kenny!

Cartman: Forget him! He's done for!

Stan: (About to board the ship) He's not done for! He's standing right there!

Kenny: {You, guys! Wait for me!} (the CIA and FBI are running after him.)

Cartman: No! No! He's done for! C'mon! (pulls Stan into the cockpit with the other kids. The cockpit closes leaving Kenny outside. The ship takes off. Helicopters chase after the ship.)

Finx: (Holding Kenny in his clutches. Kenny is now in custody.) Dooooh!

Connley: Dammit, dammit, dammit!

(Cut to Space. In the ship.)

Stan: Alright! We made it!

Kyle: Okay, Marvin! Time to take your people to their new home!

Marvin: Duk, duk! (The ship shakes.) Ng! (The ship is under attack.)

Kyle: What was that?!

(The ship is apparently being attacked by a ship with the Christian Broadcasting Channel logo near the cockpit and a cross and hallo on the wing. Inside the CBC ship.)

Sister Hollis: (communicating with the Marklar ship.) This is the Missionary 600! We have you locked on fire ready! Turn back right now!

(The Marklar ship is shaken by a few shockwaves. The kids in the cockpit are shaken as well as the Ethiopians in their bunker.)

Kids: Woah!

Ethiopians: Woah!

Stan: They're shooting at us!

Kyle: Quick, Marvin! Get us to Marklar! (Marvin presses a bunch of buttons, but nothing happens.)

Marvin: Nuned blumined ong! Click, click, click!

Kyle: Well, how'd we do it last time?!

Stan: Cartman just hit the button and the ship flew itself!

Kyle: Which button did you press, Cartman?!

Cartman: Uh, oh! I don't remember!

Kyle: You don't remember?!

Stan: You dumbass, Cartman!

Cartman: Hey! I was under duress! Maybe it was this one! (Presses a button which only turns on the radio.)

Singer: (On the radio.) Sauring so high above the world!

Kids: Waah!

(The CBC ship closes in on the Marklar ship. In the CBC ship.)

Sister Hollis: The ship seems to made out of a super-strong alloy! These lasers aren't powerful enough!

(Cut to CBC. Pat Robertson joining us.)

Pat Robertson: Everyone, th-the word of God is going around the world and, and all your help is so greatly appreciated! W-w-what we need now is an Argon Crystal Laser! (Shows one on screen) You see, an Argon Crystal Laser can pierce thick space holes in a way that other lasers just can't! Send your money now! Ah, th-thank you!

(Cut to the Feed the Children Foundation. Sally Struthers is eating when the two CIA agents enter.)

Sally Struthers: Gonna donaka bee?!

Connley: Miss Struthers, we understand that you have a ship of your own! One capable of interstellar travel!

Sally Struthers: Chumbaka bicheh de ohp! (Subtitle: "Maybe I do, and maybe I don't.")

Finx: We need to use use your ship to catch those boys! We will do anything for that technology!

Sally Struthers: Trudona kahobi?! Ho, ho, ho, ho! (Subtitle: "Why should I help you?")

Finx: Miss Struthers, if those Ethiopians make it to another planet, who will send money to your foundation?! Without Ethiopians, you have no food!

Sally Struthers: Oooa?! Fo chucka grub?!

Connley: Oh, that won't be a problem, Miss Struthers! We have collateral! (brings in Kenny)

Kenny: {I wanna get out of here!}

Sally Struthers: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Little-big-eared Creature: (pops up from behind Sally Struthers.) He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he!

(Cut to Space. The CBC ship is still chasing the Marklar ship. In the CBC ship.)

Sister Hollis: I have the infidels in my sight!

(The CBC ship shoots at the Marklar ship. Inside the Marklar ship.)

Cartman: (The ship shakes a little.) Holy shit!

Ethiopians: (in their bunker) Whoooooaaaaa!

Marvin: Doang dudebung! (Presses a few buttons. The Marklar ship shoots the CBC ship.)

Missioners: (in the CBC ship.) Ah!

Sister Hollis: Holy crap! They have photon torpedos!

(Cut to CBC.)

Pat Robertson: Now, our deflector shields are useless against four-ton torpedos and we really need your support on this one, folks! Here at the 600 club, we need your money to spread the word of Jesus and build more advanced deflector shields for our galactic cruiser! Call now and we'll give you this free pin! (Shows a small CBC logo pin.)

(Cut to Space. The Marklar ship is still shooting the CBC ship. Inside the CBC ship.)

Missioners: (in the CBC ship.) Ah!

(Inside the Marklar ship.)

Stan: You got'em, Marvin!

Kyle: Yeah! Now, finish'em off!

(A third ship shoots at the Marklar ship.)

Marklar Ship Control Module: Warning! Deflector sheilds failing!

Kyle: Where did that come from?!

(It is Sally Struthers' ship! Pan to inside Sally's ship. Sally and the two CIA agents are aborad.)

Sally Struthers: Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Connley: Good! Now, get them in our tractor beam!

(Sally's ship locks the Marklar ship in its tractor beam. The CBC ship Appraches)

Sister Hollis: (on CBC ship) Now we've got'em!

(On the Marklar ship, Sally Struthers is seen and heard on screen. The boys watch her.)

Sally Struthers: (On screen) Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Cartman: It's Sally Struthers!

Sister Hollis: (on CBC ship) Well, it appears they'll be going back to Ethiopia! So we can go on to the aliens!

(on Marklar ship)

Kyle: Sorry, Marvin! We tried!

Cartman: Wait! Miss Struthers! Miss Struthers!

(On Sally's Ship)

Sally Struthers: Ho?!

Cartman: (on screen) Miss Struthers, please! Just listen to me for one second! You started the Feed the Children Foundation for wonderful reasons! To help starving helpless people who lived in a rotten part of the world! Well, it's for those reasons we wanna help our friend Marvin now!

Sally Struthers: Ona chewbacca?! (Subtitle: "Because of me?")

Finx: Miss Struthers, don't forget the gift we gave you! The child in carbonite! (Pan to Kenny who is frozen in carbonite as was Han Solo in the Star Wars Trilogy.)

Sally Struthers: Duh muh doe coo no no oh! (Subtitle: "Let him speak")

Cartman: (on screen) Miss Struthers! You helped so many people, and you taught us that helping people is what life is all about! All we wanna do is be like you!

Sally Struthers: Hofada! (Subtitle: "You're right". Presses the button which turns off the tractor beam. Next, she locks the CBC ship in the tractor beam.)

Missioners: (in the CBC ship.) What now?!

(Sally's ship pulls the CBC ship up in the tractor beam. back on the Marklar ship.)

Cartman: She bought it!

Stan: Sally Struthers is saving us!

(Cut to CBC.)

Pat Robertson: Uh, now, now stay with me on this one, folks! (shows Sally's ship on screen) Uh, Sally Struthers has a Taberian Junker which is, uh, the favourite ship of the hutts and she has trapped our, our, our new CBC ship in a, uh, Posetronic Tractor Beam. (pan to cue card holder. The cue card reads "Postronic Tractor beam so we're gonna need an Ionic Tractor Disruptor") Uh, so we're gonna need an Ionic Tractor Disruptor! Now, now, not a regular Ionic Tractor Disruptor, but a Negative Ionic Tractor Disruptor to, uh, help spread the word of Jesus! I will get the fuckin' idiot up here!

(Sally's ship is continuing to pull the CBC ship up in their tractor beam. back in the Marklar ship.)

Stan: Now's our chance!

Cartman: Wait! I remember! It was the red button! (presses it. The ship takes off toward the same worm hole as before.)

Sister Hollis: (on CBC ship) They've opened the worm hole!

Kyle: (on the Marklar ship) It's pulling us in!

(The Marklar ship enters the worm hole and the two other ships follow.)

Kids: (on Marklar ship) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Missioners: (on CBC ship) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

(All three ships head towards the planet Marklar)

(Cut to later. Planet Marklar. All three ships have landed.)

Stan: Marvin...(his speech is muffled by other people all talking at once. including the four kids, Starvin Marvin, Ethiopians, Sister Hollis, missioners, Connley, Finx, and Sally Struthers. They are all addressing the Marklar Leader and his people.)

Marklar Leader: Please! Please! Please! We are confused! You must explain one at a Marklar!

Sister Hollis: Alien friend, we are here to spread the word of Jesus! He died for your sins!

Marklar Leader: Who?! Marklar?!

Stan: We brought Marvin and his people to live here, but these buttholes followed us!

Marklar Leader: Brought Marklar?!

Sister Hollis: What is Marklar?!

Marklar Leader: Well, Here on Marklar, everyone and everything is referred to as Marklar!

Finx: Doesn't that get confusing?!

Marklar Leader: Oh, no! Watch this! Hey, Marklar!

Marklar #2: Yes!

Marklar Leader: You see?!

Kyle: Wait! Wait! I think I can explain this whole thing! Marklar, these Marklars want to change your Marklar! They don't want this Marklar or any of these Marklars to live here, because it's bad for their Marklar! They use Marklar to try and force Marklars to believe their Marklar! If you let them stay here, they will build Marklars and Marklars! They will take all your Marklars and replace them with Marklar! These Marklars have no good Marklar to live on Marklar, so they must come here to Marklar! Please, let these Marklars stay where they can grow and prosper without any Marklars, Marklars, or Marklars!

Marklar Leader: Young Marklar, your Marklars are wise and true!

Sister Hollis: What the hell did he say?!

Stan: Wow! Good job, dude!

Kyle: Thanks!

Marklar Leader: The Marklars can stay!

Kids: Alright!

Ethiopians: Loo, loo, loo!

Cartman: Alright!

Marklar Leader: (addressing the missionaries.) You Marklars must leave!

Sister Hollis: But, you will all burn in forever in eternal hellfire! (She and the missionaries are grabbed by Marklars.)

Marklar Leader: Yes, that's nice! Thank you for stopping by!

Stan: Well, Marvin, It was sure cool seeing you again!

Marvin: Duk duk gleetin glootin glutolin!

Kyle: No! We gotta go! Sally Struthers is gonna give us a ride back to Earth!

Sally Struthers: Mochaka di!

Kyle, Cartman, and Stan: Goodbye, Marvin!

Marvin: Duk duk gloobiell! Click, click!

Stan: Maybe we'll come and visit sometime!

Cartman: Yeah, and maybe Jesse Jackson'll be president! Heh, heh!

Stan: Dude!

Cartman: What?! We're not gonna come visit him!

Stan: I know, but you don't tell him that!

Cartman: Tsk! Whatever!

Ethiopians: (approaching the waterfall) Loo, loo, loo, loo, loo!

(Ending Credits. Song: "I am Chewbacca!")